My Modern Myth

My halloween celebration went to crap.
The party was lame, everybody left early, someone hurt my feelings (unintentionally though) and as sensitive as I am...well.. I ended up crying. Still, the person who hurt me was the one who was there for me.
And now I feel like an ass. Once again. Hope he meant the stuff he said to me after... Seems like a beginning of a great friendship, and already I feel like I don't wanna loose him.
Left the party with him and we parted at another new friends house were we both had left our bikes.

On top of a crappy evening I had to walk and ride in the rain for about 3 km... ended up with a fever, and I never have a fever.

I always end up crying, which always leaves me feeling really embarrased...

Great.

I am a seriously insecure person.
People may not see me as one, and most people wouldn't say I'm shy either, but still that's what I am.
I question everything I say and do, especially around new people.
I started at my new school exactly 2 months ago. Surrounded by total strangers I found myself being more insecure of myself then what I had been for over 2 years. It still wasn't that bad. Now I'm making friends with these people, and they're all so wonderful.

But getting drunk around them and doing (according to myself) stupid stuff isn't fun. I feel embarrassed, even though I know it doesn't matter, and that I really haven't done anything stupid. But why the hell do I have to doubt myself so much, all the time?

Fuck.

I'm so freaking LAME.

Last week and the beginning of this one I was pretty much broke. Money wasn't coming until the beginning of next month *sigh* Noodles and water for me then.
This is what I was bitching about to my new classmates today. It seemed I wasn't the only one with this problem..who knew students were poor? (lol)
I came home, played with little Hunter Phoenix, looked in the fridge. There was almost literally a fly flying out of there. I had to go to the store, so I thought I'd check exactly how little money I had on my account.

*surprise* 403,12 euros had magically appeared!

Man I love the Finnish grant-system ;)

Fridge full of food, partying next weekend AND week with friends..ahh.. being a student, living on my own isn't that bad.